I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
