nut hugger
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
