She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
