Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
