so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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