So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
