he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
