i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
