I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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