You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
