wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
