"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
