I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
