I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
