I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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