i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
