He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
