Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
