I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
