Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
