good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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