Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
