i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
