Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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