I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can text with my tongue
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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