i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize