Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
