By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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