I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I could make wine with my vomit
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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