so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
