yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
