my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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