This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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