I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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