Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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