I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
