I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
