we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
