Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
