he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
