well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just had sex on a roof
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
