Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We smell like vodka and hangover
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