im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
