there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
