I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
