I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
