This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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