I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
