Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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