i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
