i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
