If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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