In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
