I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
