she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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