I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
