im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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