I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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