Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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