I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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