She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
