Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
