The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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