You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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