I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
