the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
