I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
