I only kidnapped one of them. chill
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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